Note to self

Astrobazza Horoscopes Week of August 28-September 3, 2006

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Stability is yours for all its advantages… so long as you can set your own agenda, build your own fence around the property (i.e., money, skills, self-love) you consider yours, and run the show as if you weren't constantly bombarded by psychic yanks from other people and their annoying issues. Remember last week's horoscope and all the tuning out of toxic energy I encouraged you to do? Well, the same goes for this week as well. In this height of major astro-oomph, there's a whole lot going on around you—and many of the strongest personalities in your life are probably braving some of the tightest, toughest pressures. You, on the other hand, continue to receive benevolent strokes from the universe, whenever you express self-possessed optimism and excitement for how much wider your capacity for new experience could become. There is literally no limit to where you could find yourself in future days, if you sincerely believe you've already got the resources you'll need to get there (though they may require further development and/or fine-tuning). Other folks, unfortunately, severely lack that sort of faith—and will do what they can, consciously or not, to keep you from leaving them behind in the dust-cloud that follows your ascension. The hardest thing for a watery soul like yourself is to resist such suggestibility, instead repeating self-securing mantras of confidence and trust over and over again until your unconscious drinks 'em up.

Tunisian Dream

In the heat of the afternoon there is respite at least. The shimmering African summer is absorbed by an oasis of ficus and a tangled vine, wrapping and twisting around hot house foliage and flowers, untrimmed, growing to enormous proportions. Down the centre of the garden runs a long, oblong lotus pond with a fine gravel path on either side. At the end is a simple garden bench. This is the coolest most spiritually contemplative part of the garden. It's almost as if the jungle has peeled back in hallowed respect to the lotus blossoms growing out of the dark, tangled, muddy bottom, reaching toward light and blooming into indescribable beauty. Peacocks strut and scratch amongst the foliage in the dappled sunlight at the head of the pond. The ground tiers up to a higher level where it spills into a courtyard in the round.

Cobble-paved and white in the glare of the midday sun, rendered retaining walls curve around long lounges like naked bodies curled around another. The thick walls have succulents of all descriptions growing in gravel. The undergrowth surrounding the courtyard provides some cooling protection but this is the heat basin, very languid and sexy, especially at night where it stands under the clear, starry sky. The heat of the day radiates from the stone like a warm body and it is lit with the seductive flicker of candles and glowing sandalwood sticks.

The edge of the house is marked by a deep, black and white tiled, pavilion-style veranda which leads through heavy wooden doors into the dark, cool interior of the house.

The interior is filled with natural fibres and it's walls are lined with art and artefacts from travels. The neutral palate of colour, mostly white with earth and stone shades, accented with bright vivid red, orange, turquoise and a million shades of green. There is not much sound, the thick walls tend to deaden sound but the faint strains of music mingle with the quiet rustle of linen as staff walk the cool, dark corridors attending to the comfort of visiting guests and family.

At the front of the house the flat, shuttered front stands bravely facing the Mediterranean Sea like a soldier, arms at sides, straight up and down, not blinking. At night, sun-darkened hands lift the rings and rungs and open the house to the fresh, briny evening sea-breeze. Ringed stones circle overgrown plots of succulents before petering out into sand dunes nurturing soft seagrasses and cacti. Over the rise of the dune, the azure horizon is just visible. The ocean sighs it's secrets of scandal and solace, sacrifice and struggle, of shipwrecks and journeys, of love and betrayal...

The next stage

The first card, the significator, is placed in the center of the cross. This card represents the prime energy manifest in your life. Eight of Cups (Indolence): Losing interest in a matter deeply important to you. Being forced to abandon something in which you had invested great love and devotion. Seeking earthly, physical pleasures, to the exclusion of spiritual growth and emotional fulfillment. Emotional withdrawal and lethargy.

The second card, placed above the significator, represents Air. It describes your spirit, process of thought, and the influence of reason. Nine of Pentacles (Gain): Good luck attending material affairs. Attaining refinement and embracing elegance. Discipline and nobility applied to the maintenance of security and stability. The wise use of resources and foresight. The fulfillment that comes with accomplishment, and the turning of attention to higher things.

The third card, placed to the right of the significator, represents Fire. It describes your motivations, creative energies, and the influence of passion. The Emperor: Worldly authority and power. Social mastery and oratory. One who is intelligent, experienced, confident and reasonable. A patriarch or primary male influence. The motive force of politics and society. The ability to fulfill plans and use mental control over the emotions.

The fourth card, placed below the significator, represents Water. It describes your emotions, meditations, and the influence of love. Five of Swords (Defeat): A success earned through personal degradation. Separation from friends brought about by an unfeeling and coldly calculated act. Temporary victory tainted by dishonor and providing fuel for eventual defeat.

The fifth card, placed to the left of the significator represents Earth. It describes your physical presence, position in life, and the influence of the material world. Justice: The achievement of balance and inner harmony after a great trial. Agreements, contracts, or treaties concluded justly. Things set to rights. Karma restored. A turn for the better in legal matters.

At this point the cross is complete and the triangle is formed. The sixth card, placed on the bottom left of the triangle represents one of two opposing forces. Seven of Swords (Futility): An opportunity to withdraw from a hopeless situation and fight another day. Disengagement from a struggle you should never have been involved in. A desperate attempt to resolve a matter without conflict. The use of cleverness or outright deception to turn the tide in your favor.

The seventh card, placed on the bottom right of the triangle represents the force that opposes the bottom left card. These forces may be external, but they are frequently one's own inner archetypes in conflict. Page of Cups: The essence of water behaving as earth, such as a wellspring: An unexpected new relationship that is playful and spontaneous. A romantic soul who embraces compassion and imagination with childlike joy. Gentle reflections on love, spirituality, and the importance of personal relationships in business and material affairs. May herald the birth of a child.

The eighth card, the reconciler, is placed below the cross in the third vertex of the triangle. This is the force that will resolve the conflict between the bottom left and bottom right cards. By meditating on this force and bringing more of it into your life, you can bring the matter at hand to a swifter conclusion than would naturally occur. Two of Swords (Peace): Contradictory characteristics brought together as a means of resolving a conflict. Refusing to be ruled by negative emotions. Strife brought to a close through clarity of mind and restraint of force. Turning a blind eye to the minor infractions of others.

The ninth and final card, placed in the center bottom of the triangle, represents the final outcome unless you change course. The Hanged Man: Pausing to reflect. Surrendering to an experience. Adjusting to new ideas through sacrifice. Opening oneself to intuition and enhanced awareness. Letting go of past patterns and growing beyond them. Inner peace, faith, and serenity.

Shipwrecked

The screaming wind ripped the sail and it flapped around in the storm like a broken wing. Months of careful navigation were now like diamonds thrown to swine. Utter hopelessness reared like the metaphorical last wave that hit the deck and as water flooded into the hold, the ship keeled to the right, beams groaning under the pressure and finally the majestic vessel slowly sunk below the seething ocean. The survivors jumped and struggled for life and breath between the heaving surface of the water. Most of them drowned. One was washed to shore. And there she debated the mercy of death over the long and lonely isolation of being washed to a distant shore, alive and alone.

Months later, the thought of rescue had left the forefront of her mind and she survived on shellfish on the rocks along the coastline. Loneliness was replaced by solitude. A profound sense of self with nothing to compare it to but the inconstant sea and the drifting sands. Strange how even survival becomes routine after a while. The night and day are not separate things, they are a continuation of an existence. The moon and it's phases have no more meaning than breathing in and out. We live one life awake and the other dreaming. Do we question the moon, the sun, our breath? Life is breath. Life is only breath. Breath is life and do we question breath? We just breathe... We breathe awake and asleep. Which is really awake and which is really asleep? I know, I understand, I perceive, I dream, I think, I feel... I am. I am alive and on an island. Am I alone and shipwrecked or am I on a long and blissfully free holiday with myself?

Lucid

After another exhausting day she stood for a moment wrapping the robe tighter around her waist. This nightly ritual of staring at the stars was comforting as usual. Tonight it was cold and she did not linger, the full moon was up above the pine trees, it's face reflecting light into every part of the landscape bleaching out the pinpricks of stars. She carefully placed the stone beneath her pillow and rolled over to read a few pages of her book before drifting to sleep.

It was another cold autumn morning, sounds filtered through the conversation she was attempting to have with the woman on the sand. She pulled the cover over her head and shoulder and submerged to the other world again. She stepped up one step and looked back over her shoulder, the child was slowly loping and bending, crawling down the long, shallow steps, concentrating with each manuveure downward.

'I went there, I didn't have time to stay long, just one glass of wine.' The light on the horizon stretched out to gold, orange, pale pink and tinged violet before merging with deep blue. It was getting darker and the warmth was leaving the air slightly and she stepped down once again into the warm sand feeling it slip between her toes. The child had stopped, it's attention caught by something on the stairs. She turned her gaze to the sea. Then she picked up the little girl who screamed at being interrupted from her climbing, kicking her legs and arching her back. The woman felt anger wellling up, then realised the internal frustration and anguish was not the child's fault and tears pricked at her eyes. She wiped them away and put the little girl's feet firmly on the step, talking quietly she bent over holding her hands and walking up slowly as the sea disappeared with the sinking sun.

She rolled over her eyes opened to take in the cold blue light filtering through the window. High above her the clouds tore and through them the pale autumn sky was visible for a moment before being engulfed again in thick cloud.

Lotus

Memories of the past glimmer in the dead of the night like stars

To my lover

You touched a deep chord in me
It played silently and yet the sound reverberated
throughout the whole earth and filled me
Such energy and vitality
I could scarcely contain it all.

I loved you with all of my heart
I nearly gave up everything just to be in your presence
When I gave you the greatest gift if could possibly give
- Freedom - I still hoped you'd return to me
Want me as much too.

But in giving you freedom and losing you
I gained a soul.

My heart learned in it's pain to embrace
That which it found hardest to love - myself.
I'm still learning and my rejected self often ends up in tears
Waiting to be rescued by someone worthy.

I meet you in my dreams from time to time
We chat but I'm really under no illusions that you think about me
Even if I would like that sometimes.

I still love you
I still miss you at times
Part of me still hopes
That one day I will have the opportunity
To make you understand just how much I loved you then
And still do.

Goodnight my love